We just turned twenty freaking five today. I don’t think I can wrap my head around that. Today is the me you were writing about. You know, when your teacher always tells you to write “Where do you see yourself in 10 years”. Well, past me, current me isn’t doing as great as you would’ve thought. But current me is healthy and… guess what? Happy.
I knew at your at your age you were imagining current me as an independent woman living in a different country and providing for the family. Instead, what you got is a semi-independent woman still living in the country mainly providing for herself. Are you disappointed? I won’t lie. I am. A little. However, despite all the speed bumps we experienced and are currently experiencing, I am quite okay with it.
When you graduated high school the next year, sixteen year old me was thinking 21 year old me would already be working in another country. Twenty one year old me wasn’t so positive though. She knew she won’t be going anywhere soon. Not without her license in her hands nor the experience to show off. But 22 year old me found joy in traveling. She went to places few dared going to. She did things that might’ve scared you. I am pretty sure 14 year old me experienced it too but was too dependent to pursue it.
23. Sixteen year old me must be so disappointed. *insert sassy tone* Coz girl, we still here. No matter how she tries convincing herself, 23 year old me always seemed sad. She sometimes slept with regrets from the past 3 years haunting her mind. I know you always thought your intelligence will shine through and it will be easy for us but 23 year old me realized that intelligence isn’t enough. That’s why she’s sad. She always thought she was good enough until the world reminded her that she isn’t.
Twenty four year old me was more forgiving. She let go of her fears and just lived. She filled her lungs with the cool air of the ocean, she walked under the sun until her skin got sunburnt, she ate with an appetite of a starved hyena, she learned that she can, in fact, swim. Hell, she even swam with the whale sharks. She walked kilometers of rugged terrain, climbed mountains and even dared stay at the foot of an active volcano. Most importantly, she realized she doesn’t need anyone to tell her she’s good enough. She knows she is. We are.
Are you a little proud? I hope you are. I am.
But twenty four year old me can’t stay long. Her year is up and she has to go too. Now here I am, the twenty five year old you. It’s my first day, wish me luck. I hope I make my year worthwhile. If I can’t reach our goals for us, I’m sorry love. I’m sure I tried. You may ask, where did we go wrong? I don’t know. Did we raise our goals too high? Maybe yes. Maybe not. Maybe we just set our goals too early. Remember the last paragraph of our favorite story? “…when things don’t seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.”
Whatever happens, love, I am sure 26-year old self will forgive you… and most importantly, He will love you all the same.
Happy birthday to us 🙂